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10 Things to Do to Start Getting Over That Break-UP

breaking up

1. Cry.  That's right, simply break down and have a good cry if you feel the emotions building up.   Find a quiet place and sob.  The intention is to release the negative energy and to let go of the tension.  Human tears have the power to soothe.  Holding it in will make you breakdown when you least expect it and it could possibly happen in school, church, the mall or even in front of the ex, and you don't want to do that.   When you feel the pain is too much, give yourself a good 10 minutes to cry, knowing that this is a normal part of the healing process. 

2. Take some time to self-reflect.  As painful as it may be avoiding looking at the role that you played in the break-up could set you up for future break-ups.  Look at your habits, your interaction patterns and what you could have done differently. 

3. Stop talking about the break-up.  The guy or girl that dumped you or cheated on you might really be awful, but constantly talking about their flaws and your insecurities slows the healing process and you actually repel people with high levels of positive energy that might want to connect with you.

4.  Pay attention to self-care.  For men, even though it may be difficult, get up, wash up, shave and look like you are confident even if you are dying inside.  Women do not neglect self-care.  Dye your hair, buy a new dress, get a manicure or go out to eat with friends.  Do not let your appearance reflect your inner emotional state. Make a promise to yourself that no matter what, you will try to look your best even if you don't feel you your best.

5. Go back to your hobby or pick a new one.  When we are in relationships, sometimes we get so caught up in being with that person that we end up spending little or no time on our hobbies.  After a break-up, remember the things that you used to  do.  Remember the sport that you used to love or the movies that you used to watch before you had to "compromise".  Start enjoying some of your old activities.

6. Work out.  Yes! Go to the gym or start taking power walks.  Sign up for swimming lessons, tennis or even golfing.  Just get busy.  Do anything you want, but be sure to start moving.  Exercising reduces stress and depression. One of my clients, after her divorce decided to take up swimming at her local YMCA.  Working out made her feel better about herself and 6 months later, she met the man of her dreams -- he was working at the YMCA.

 Photo Credit: shutterstock

Photo Credit: shutterstock

7. Do not check their Facebook.  Stop yourself from checking their social media outlets.  As bad as you want to know if they are with someone else or if their relationship status changed, hold back.  No tweeting, facebooking, emailing or putting old pictures up on instagram.  The message this sends is "Notice me, notice me" and screams desperation.

8. Laugh.  Watch comedies or be around people that make you laugh and smile often. Laughter is truly medicine for the soul.

9. Focus.  Focus on your future without the person.  Make plans to find a new job, go back to school, start a business, start blogging or create a vision board.  

10. Create a vision board.  Start cutting out pictures from magazines or newspapers of things that you want or places that you want to go. Get yourself excited about the future and what you can accomplish by purposely looking at or reading about things you plan to do.  Get focused and excited about your freedom and your bucket list! If you don't have one, start one!


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